Jasper's Plot
by RainbowCrayon
Summary: Jasper gets bored and Esme gets angry. Now continued to include more Cullenary madness. Based off an avatar
1. Jasper's Plot

Jasper's Plot

Edward's P.O.V.

I scanned the thoughts around me, in an attempt to find something interesting to do. Alice's thoughts were boring, she was thinking about shopping and how to trick Bella into letting Alice buy her clothes; Carlisle was thinking about the surgeries he had tomorrow and the paperwork he needed to complete tonight and Esme was thinking about cleaning and humming a song to herself; I turned my thoughts towards Jasper's although I guessed he would be thinking about Alice, however he wasn't thinking about Alice at all, instead he was thinking his times tables over and over again as if practising for a test. I looked at him curiously, still listening to his thoughts, after noticing my stare he quickly changed his thoughts to something a hundred times worse. _"I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes."_ His thoughts sang over and over again. I quickly concentrated on blocking his thoughts out of my mind, but it was too late the song was already stuck and it started to go round and around my mind. I growled under my breath and the inhabitants in the room all turned to look at me. At that point I heard Alice start to quietly giggle. I quickly pried into her thoughts but she had also started thinking that annoying song. It was at that point as I was attempting to get the annoying song out of my head that Carlisle walked up to me. He smiled in a curious way and perched on the edge of my chair.

"Hey Edward." He said huskily touching my arm lightly. I immediately pried into his thoughts but they were a mess. I caught phrases like "So dreamy," and "Want him now," and some rather graphic images of Carlisle. I smiled cautiously not entirely sure what was going on and shifted slightly away from him.

"Yes Carlisle?" I said as he ran his arms lightly up and down my arm.

"Well I was just thinking...you should wear your hair more to the side it makes you look really hot." He said pushing my hair in the style he liked. I edged away straightening my hair down.

"Uh, okay Carlisle I'll bare that in mind." I edged further away from him, which turned out to be a mistake as he slid off the arm onto the sofa itself and pushed himself even closer to me. Carlisle looked up at me from under his eyelashes and smiled in a almost seductive way.

"I was just thinking how hot you look right now." He said and suddenly began leaning towards me, I leaned away but he kept on leaning in. We continued in this pattern until I was lying flat against the couch and Carlisle had my arms pinned to my sides his body towering over mine. I could feel his hot breath on my face as his lips got closer and closer to mine. Luckily then Esme stormed in.

"Jasper stop that right now!" She shouted crossing her arms over her stomach and looking every bit the angry mother. "How many times this decade have you made two family members fall in love with each other? It's not funny anymore" Carlisle had moved off me the strong feelings of lust having dissipated. I could see Alice, Emmett and Rosalie cracking up in a corner while Jasper looked suitably humbled in his chair.

"But Esme." He whined, "It's always funny when it's Edward you know how uptight he is." Jasper smiled hopefully, however Esme did not look impressed and the waves of calm where doing nothing to help her.

"No Jasper, I told you no practicing your talents on members of the family. Now you are not allowed any new games consoles for the next decade and I'm confiscating your X-Box for a month." She said firmly heading towards the TV and hastily unplugging the wires.

"Ah but Esme," Emmett chipped in, "what did I do wrong? This is punishing me as well as Jasper and it's not my fault." He complained, I didn't know why he bothered we all knew he would get it back in a week Esme was too kind for real punishments usually we all sorted each other out.

"Well I didn't see you jumping in to help Carlisle or poor Edward so you can take the punishment as well." She wondered out the room at this smiling to herself about the harsh punishment she enforced. Carlisle followed her out the room and if Vampires could blush we all knew he would be beat red. I looked at Jasper menacingly already starting to plot revenge, I stormed out the room up to my bedroom.

**A/N: Yeah so this was inspired by an icon which says something along the lines of Dear Diary today I made Carlisle feel like he was in love with Edward again, priceless. This is just how I managed that would go. I also wanted something were Esme seemed mothering. Stay tuned and I may right Edward's revenge as a sequel. Also this was my first Twilight fic! Yay, I just jumped on the Twilight bandwagon and I love the series not a big fan of Breaking Dawn but there were parts I loved so. It is strange writing in first person but whatcha gonna do?**

**XXX**


	2. Edward's Revenge

Jasper's Plot Part 2 – Edward's Revenge

**This is dedicated to Timelord Lover who gave me awesome reviews and ideas.**

Edward's P.O.V.

That moment was seared into my mind forever. How Carlisle's face looked, as it closed the gaps between us his eyes full of lust his mind picturing me in various uncomfortable positions. I damned my vampire memory and also damned my siblings who constantly thought about it while I was around, to prolong my embarrassment. Sighing I began to plot my revenge, knowing that it would be difficult, Alice would know what I had planned as soon as I did and she would undoubtedly inform Jasper. I had to get Alice on side but I was running out of bribes. What do you give a person who has – or could have – everything? However there was thing she wanted, but it was something that I wasn't sure I would sink low enough to give her. At that moment Emmett wondered past my room vividly remembering my face as Carlisle leaned over me and his booming laughter let me know that yes, yes I would sink that low.

"Bella, I have a favour to ask of you." We were sat in my room relaxing to some Debussy while the others were out hunting.

"Okay, shoot." She said turning to me cautiously. I encircled her wrists with her cold hands and held them up to my face first inhaling her scent then kissing each of her fingers. I heard her breathing shallow and her heart rate pick up, at my light feather kisses. I pulled her up onto my lap as I continued to sniff and kiss along her neck.

"It's just a little thing really." I said between soft kisses now tracing the shape of her jaw and back down her neck. I smiled as her pulse increased even more when I kissed once on her collar bone.

"Okay Edward, stop." She said putting her hands on my chest but not moving away. I frowned slightly but decided to continue on with the plan anyway. "I want to be in the right mind when you ask me for this favour as it's probably not going to be something I want to do and I don't want to agree just because I am so intoxicated by your presence."

"Alright I guess you're right." I said pulling her closer to me, my cool body providing her relief from the hot summer's day. "Well the thing is a little while ago Jasper played a nasty prank on me, and naturally I've been plotting revenge but I'm having some trouble-"

"Alice's visions?" She asked frankly. I nodded and pouted slightly looking up under my lashes in a way she had often said she liked. She sighed and crossed her arms on her chest, pulling away from my chest. "What does this have to do with me? You know I don't like to get too involved in your strange family politics."

"Well, see I figured the only way to get Alice to co-operate is to bribe her but there aren't many things that you can give someone who has the power to get anything they want." I smiled at her, searching her eyes for her thoughts. Once again I wished she wasn't the one exception to my little talent.

"Can't you just get her that yellow Porsche thing she wants?" I paused I hadn't thought of that, it would work I knew but that was a big thing and I wanted to save that for when I was really desperate.

"I'm not sure how well that would work, Bella my love, but I know there's one thing that would guarantee he co-operation and it only takes a little bit of help from you."

"Okay, I'll bite what is it? I'm not saying I'll necessary do it, mind you, but I'll consider it." I smiled knowing that she would soon agree.

"Well, I'd like you to go on a shopping trip with Alice, with a $10, 000 spending limit."

"No."

"Oh please Bella, my manhood is at stake here. It's not like you'll have to do much just wonder round looking interested." I pleaded her my eyes wide.

"No, that's too much money. I couldn't possibly let you spend that much on me." At that moment Alice burst into the room.

"Oh please, please, please Bella!" She said kneeling at Bella's and my feet and holding Bella's hands. I could see in Alice's head that she'd give in soon, and Alice was already envisioning the shopping spree.

"No, that's way too much money, I'll go shopping with you but they'll be a $100 dollar limit." Bella said trying to pull out of Alice's firm grip.

"$1,000 and two designer items." Alice negotiated, I could see indecision in Bella's eyes but they were softening t Alice's wide-eyed puppy dog look. It didn't help that my hands were ghosting up and down her sides creating a light blush on Bella's face. "Please, Bella you know I don't have any human memories, I just want to be normal for once." Fake tears were filling Alice's eyes and there was no way Bella's conscious could resist. She nodded once and Alice leapt to her feet all tears gone and laughter sparkling in her eyes. "I'll pick you up early tomorrow, and Edward, I'm in." She danced out the room and I turned my gaze to Bella who was bright red. I kissed her soundly on the lips once and her heart rate picked up.

"Thank you, my love."

"Okay so the key point to my plan is that you think of the sexiest thing that you possibly can, okay?"

"Sir, yes, sir." Emmett bellowed at snapping a salute. I frowned at him, but wasn't too concerned I knew him well enough to know he would play his part perfectly, everyone would. Right, let's go over the plans one more time." There was a collective groan from my family and I saw Bella begin to nod off.

"Do we have to Edward?" Rosalie groaned at me, her thoughts showing that she wanted to get Emmett upstairs to get some inspiration for the plan.

"Yeah I think we got it Eddie." Alice said laughing slightly as she skipped away taking Bella by the hand and pulling her upstairs. I sighed and sank into the arm chair as my family slinked away to their various activities. The trap was set and now all that remained was to wait until Jasper returned home.

Jasper returned home around 3 in the evening and we all steeled ourselves to commence. Alice and Emmett sat a little too close for comfort on the sofa, while Bella and Esme sat across from each other in the arm chairs. All of them had thoughts of their respective partners filling their head, except Emmett who was feeling uncomfortable and nervous. My plan was simple, I convinced Carlisle to pretend to be in love with my when he and Jasper returned from hunting, me and Carlisle would think lustful thoughts so our emotions could fool Jasper's tricky little power. At the same time Alice would be making moves on Emmett who would act like he wasn't interested, this one would annoy Jasper the most as not only would his beloved Alice be acting in love with someone else but the idea of anyone being able to reject her would drive him insane. Then to make it seem realisitic Bella and Esme would be acting totally outraged at mine and Carlisle's actions and if things went well a huge fight would be in order to totally convince Jasper. Then for the straw that broke the camel's back Rosalie would arrive and just throw herself at Jasper.

All these prepared emotions assaulted Jasper as he stepped through the door and I quickly prepared some Bella fantasies to fill myself with lust. As Jasper stepped through the door I pushed him out the way and pulled Carlisle into a big hug. I immediately filled my mind with images of Bella in various compromising scenarios and felt the lust filling my body.

"Carlisle, I've missed you, how was your hunting trip?" Carlisle smiled sultrily at me and visions of Esme in rather revealing lingerie filled my mind. I quickly distanced myself from his mind, before Jasper could sense my disgust at seeing my 'mum' like that.

"Edward! I missed you too; hunting just isn't the same without you." I smiled even wider taking his hand and pulling him into the living room where we sat together on the couch my hand resting on his thigh. Jasper stood frozen in the hall way where his thoughts told me that he had no idea what had just gone on. After a few moments he wondered into the living room, only to have lust assault him from all sides. Frowning quickly at me and Carlisle Jasper wondered over to greet his wife.

"Hello, my love." He said smiling at the lust in her body assuming it was for him. Alice, playing her part perfectly, glanced up at him before turning back towards Emmett with a seductive smile. Emmett was focused entirely on the ball game in front of him. Jasper leaned down to kiss Alice on the lips but he was met only with her cheek as she turned away from him. He shook his head his thoughts full of confusion but went to sit down calmly.

"So Emmett," Alice began tracing out patterns on his leg. "What you doing today? I figured if you weren't busy me and you could do something interesting."

"Actually Alice, I was just gonna watch the game today then maybe go hunting..." He said slowly, I internally grinned as I saw Jasper's frown deepen and his thoughts resembling something along the lines of 'what the hell?'

"Oh, well why don't I come hunting with you, I love to watch you take down those grizzlies you always look so strong and manly. I do so love a strong man." She smiled at Emmett and looked at him from under her lashes in a way that would turn a normal man wild, Emmett however, always in character, only briefly glanced at her before turning back to the TV.

"Actually Alice, I was thinking of going alone, we've been spending a lot of time together recently, why don't you hang out with Jasper?" Alice frowned immediately and turned to glance briefly at Jasper, she began thinking of how I still hadn't brought her a Porsche so annoyance rolled off of her, while boredom and disinterest rolled of Emmett. I knew that this was the moment to have it all head off and I smiled internally, I turned discretely to Alice and nodded almost imperceptibly and then leaned towards Carlisle.

"Do you want to go upstairs for a while, alone?" I whispered into his ear, he chuckled and jumped to his feet, as I sprang to mine Alice punched a whole into Esme's sofa while still stroking Emmett's thigh. Esme sprang to her feet absolutely livid even though she knew that was coming.

"Stop right there Carlisle! I am so fed up of you and Edward sneaking off together whenever you think I'm not looking, claiming that you're discussing medical things, or vampire business. Well guess what Mister? I know what you two are really up to and it sickens me. Does the sanctity of marriage mean nothing to you? I am done with this mad house." She screamed at him striding out of the house. Jasper and everyone looked shell shocked. Bella however was tearing up perfectly.

"Edward, what does she mean?" Bella asked climbing to her feet tears in her eyes, this was the most crucial part as everyone knew Bella couldn't lie for anything and Jasper was as on edge as it is possible to be. Luckily I had prepared perfectly for this moment. Just as I was about to stammer a reply Emmett jumped to his feet glowering at Alice.

"Look lady, I'm not interested okay? So stop touching my leg and putting your tongue in my ear, I don't date midgets!" He strode at the room quickly knowing he wouldn't be able to contain his laughter and Alice hurried quickly after him shouting apologies. At this point Jasper's thoughts were in chaos, he could barely control his emotions and everyone in the room kept on getting assaulted with anger, confusion, disgust and sadness when a particular emotion influenced him. He sat completely still in his chair and didn't look like he would be moving for a while, that is until the best part of my plan came into action and Rosalie strode into the room wearing her most revealing outfit. She quickly strode up to Jasper and her mind was full of her and Emmett's antics from earlier on. She perched on the edge of Jasper's chair and stroked his face gently making him look at her.

"Hey Jaspy-waspy, you busy tonight? I've got something I'd like your help with, in my bedroom, it's urgent." It was at that moment when Jasper hit boiling point. He leapt to his feet pushing Rosalie off the edge of the chair and gesticulating widely.

"Stop, stop this right now! I can't handle it, you over there..." he shouted pointing Rosalie towards Emmett, "and Edward get off him, I know your behind this. Fooling with people's emotions isn't nice Edward. It's just plain cruel." I raised one eyebrow my face a calm facade.

"Really Jasper, I thought that you thought playing with people's emotions was fun." I said, inside I was laughing hysterically and I could see Rosalie on the floor struggling to contain her giggles at Jasper's wild eyes and frenzied pacing.

"Your all sick all of you! Your bad people, this..." He continued gesturing around at all of us, "is sick and wrong." Then he strode out his room upstairs where he slammed his door shut. Alice winked and smiled mischievously before following him out the room.

Then with Jasper finally gone and everyone assembled in the room we all burst into hysterical laughter.

**A/N: Okay so this took an age for me to write, blarg school issues I won't go into it. I'm working on some new stuff, ones a nice look at Alice and Jaspers relationship which will start sad but if it goes the way I like will have a happy ending, ones a Halloween ditty in honour of today and the last is a look at Maggie and her awesome power. So yeah, hope you like this, I'm not all too fond of this but there we go. Ta'ra**


	3. Alice's Shopping

**Jaspers Plot – Alice's Trip**

Bella's P.O.V

"Bellaaaaaaaaaa, Bellaaaaaaa." I struggled to return to my dream but the persistent voice was encroaching on my sleep. "Wakey, wakey eggs and bakey." I was finally woken from my sleep by the smell of horrifically burnt eggs and bacon. I opened my eyes to the sight of Alice shoving a tray of food into my face, on instinct I inhaled only to fill my lungs with the stench of burnt food. I started coughing desperately, attempting to rid my airways of the horrid smoke, naturally Edward was there in second rubbing my back gently and soothing me.

"What is that?" I eventually stammered out gesturing widely at the tray of food. Alice beamed pushing it further towards and me and bouncing on the bed.

"I made you breakfast, I saw that you'd be hungry when you woke up and I saw you making yourself eggs and bacon so with some tips from Charlie I cooked it. Eat up, I want to know how good of a cook I am, I've never done it before." She looked so excited and proud I couldn't not eat it; however it looked and smelt disgusting. I deliberated over it for a moment before deciding Alice's feelings were more important than my own so I should definitely eat up. I pulled the tray towards me, noticing there was a glass of orange juice, which I hope I could disguise the taste with. Just as I was about to take the first bite Edward stopped me.

"Are you sure you should be eating that Bella, the food you cook never looks as black as that?" He frowned at Alice, who was looking slightly nervous. I smiled hesitantly, part of me wished Edward wouldn't let me eat it but I didn't want to upset Alice, today would be bad enough without Alice being in a mood. So I quickly shoved the blackened food in my mouth and downed the orange juice before Edward could protest more. It tasted disgusting and not even the orange juice could erase the taste of ash from my mouth, but I smiled nonetheless and gave Alice a quick hug to say thank you.

"It was lovely Alice, I'll just go have a human moment then." Alice beamed and leaped off the bed, pulling me to my feet she pushed me towards the bathroom, babbling along the way.

"Are you still hungry? I could cook you up something else in a snap..."

"No, no Alice that's fine I'm all full from the eggs and bacon, why don't you wait here, chat with Edward while I shower?" I said as I stepped into the bathroom. She beamed at me and turned away shouting over her shoulder.

"Alright I'll pick you out something to wear." I sighed resigning myself to a very long day.

* * *

We arrived at Washington in record time, I held Edward's hand as we wandered into the mall Alice dancing excitedly in front of us. Alice whirled around suddenly bring our mini procession to a halt, and gave Edward a meaningful look. He cocked an eyebrow at her before turning to me and holding my hands in his.

"This where I leave you Bella, Alice will text me when you want picking up." He smiled sadly at me before leaning down to place his lips on mine, but I help up a finger to his face stopping his fast approaching mouth.

"What do you mean you're leaving? You never said anything about leaving." I said accusingly.

"Bella, how are we supposed to try on underwear and stuff with Edward hanging round? It'll be more fun this way!"

"This was part of the agreement; I'm sorry Bella I'd rather be with you. I need to hunt anyway; you'll be perfectly safe with Alice."

"Oh but-" I protested but Alice cut me off with her tinkling voice.

"Nope, Edward's leaving and that's final. I've been purposefully not looking into the future of this shopping trip just so we can be alone and finally give Edward a surprise. Do you how tempting it's been for me to peek forward just once? But I resisted, so now I'm sure you can manage to spend one day without Edward." I sighed and pouted at Alice's little rant, this shopping trip was turning out to be more trouble than it was worth and I wondered why I ever agreed to it. Stupid golden eyed vampire.

"Fine, I guess I don't have a choice then do I." I leaned up and pressed my lips against Edward's revelling in the feeling of his cold, hard lips against hers. He tangled one hand in my hair and pushed against my lips more desperately. When we finally pulled away I was breathless and Alice was tapping her toe impatiently.

"Be safe, I miss you." He whispered silkily in my ear and before I could even open my eyes he had gone, leaving a comfortable weight in my back pocket. Next thing I knew Alice was smiling devilishly and pulling me towards a store.

An hour later I had 3 over £500 dresses, 10 cheaper ones, countless new tops, several pairs of jeans and 8 new skirts; I was starting to believe the shopping trip was almost over. We had just stopped for lunch at a KFC outlet and despite the stressful argumentative day I wasn't feeling so bad. That was until I saw where we were standing, right outside of Victoria's Secret.

"No Alice." I said firmly, I could only imagine standing next to Alice me looking frumpy in some white lace number while she caused traffic accidents in some sexy piece of negligee.

"Come on Bella, I need new underwear, you need new underwear. We may as well make it nice stuff. Edward will have hernia when he sees this."

"But Alice, this stuff doesn't suit me; I'll just look silly compared to you." I protested while still allowing Alice to pull me into the store. I put my hand into my back pocket and held onto the tiny electronic device that Edward had secretly given me. I knew that somehow, somewhere in this store I was going to need it. I just needed to wait for the opportune moment.

Lingerie shopping is tiresome business. Alice was loading me with bras, knickers, baby dolls and some questionable fancy dress costumes. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it, Alice looked amazing in everything she tried on, as expected, but some of the stuff she gave me was quite cute and almost suited me. Just as I started to enjoy myself, relishing in the lack of customers to show off some of the baby dolls Alice had given me, Lauren, Jessica and Angela walked in. And just my luck they weren't alone, they were accompanied by not only Tyler, Eric and Ben, but to my deep horror Mike Newton. The baby doll I was wearing was one of the more conservative ones that covered my arms cut low on my enhanced cleavage and covered a small portion of thigh. Lauren spotted us first and after taking one look at me gave me the nastiest glare she could muster up. I blushed bright red as the rest of the group saw us and began to head over. Alice hadn't even acknowledged their presence, and was still bumbling about in the dressing room.

"Hey guys," Angela said cheerfully, holding tightly onto the arm of Ben. I attempted to manoeuvre my arms into some form of coverage but it wasn't really helping.

"Um hey," I stuttered, attempting to ignore the lustful glares of Mike, Eric and Tyler. At the sound of my voice Alice walked out of the dressing room. As she quickly took in Lauren's angry glare and the boys lustful stare a mischievous smile appeared on her face. She leaned one arm against the dressing room door, the boys gazes were immediately transfixed and her black and pink lacy bra and pants combination.

"Oh hello guys, fancy seeing you here. Actually its good that you arrived, I was just asking Bella but I'd much rather have a variety of opinions. What do you think of this lingerie? Does it make my boobs look too big?" As she said this she gestured her arms out revealing her perfect petite figure. I didn't think it was possible for Lauren's face to get any angrier but she managed it, Jessica stared on with unabashed envy while Angela attempted to avert her eyes seemingly embarrassed. The boys were another story. Ben was staring deeply at Angela's hair trying his very hardest not to look at the half naked vampire, Tyler and Eric were staring openly while Mike was attempting to look at the floor while taking what he thought were subtle glances in Alice's direction.

"Uhm, it's very nice Alice." Mike mumbled before turning his gaze on me. "Yours is nice to Bella." He stuttered and my face grew even redder.

"Really do you think so?" Said Alice staring maliciously at Lauren, "What's your opinion Lauren, Jessica?" She said plastering a fake smile on her face. Jessica stammered out some half arsed attempt at saying it was nice, just as Lauren was about to open her mouth Alice interrupted her. "Actually I don't think I well get it, this is really for someone who doesn't have big boobs. Never mind ay?" She said walking back into the dressing room and banging the door. I smiled sheepishly and turned to get changed.

"That Alice Cullen's weird, I can't believe she thinks she has big boobs. She hasn't got a nice figure at all she's all short and stout. She's just a slut anyway, I heard all the Cullen's have big group orgies together. That must be why Bella's always over there. I don't see why anyone outside the family would want to have sex with them, they're all retarded looking. I mean that big fat one Emmett or whatever, that skanky slutty one Rosalie, I mean hello white trash? And Jasper, I suppose he's supposed to look mysterious and angsty or something I think he just looks constipated. And have you seen their parents, talk about having kids' young I mean I know they're adopted and all but Esme must be a right slut. Burgh and Edward, you know the only reason he never had a girlfriend before Bella is because no-one would have him. Of course Alice is the worst of them all; short, chubby and slut talk about your triple whammy." I heard Jessica laugh unkindly at Lauren's comment while one of the guys coughed uncomfortably. I felt tears prick at my eyes as the anger rose in my stomach but before I could react, Alice's dressing room door banged and came off the hinges. I took a step outside to see Alice with dark black eyes staring at Lauren with the most animalistic smile I'd ever seen. At that moment I wondered how someone so small and cute could look so incredibly demonic.

"Sorry Lauren, care to repeat that little rant of yours?" Alice said her voice high and cute. Lauren took a step back and fear filled her eyes.

"What rant? I didn't say anything, right?" She looked to her friends for encouragement but they all leaned away from her.

"Really because I thought I heard you saying that my parents are sluts, my sister's a skanky whore, my brother's fat, my boyfriend's constipated and my other brother is a reject. Of course I could be wrong but I also think I heard you insult Bella here and call me, hmm what was it again? Oh yes a short chubby slut. Correct me if I'm wrong Lauren but I'm pretty sure you said all these things." I saw some newfound confidence appear in Lauren's eyes and it was at that point I pushed Edward's button. This sent a tiny electric signal pulsing to Edward's phone giving him a distress signal and our location, well that was what I hoped it did he hadn't really explained it to me just put it in my pocket.

"Yeah well maybe I did Alice, what are you going to do about it?" Lauren said, although her words seem menacing she stumbled over the words and we could barely hear her talking.

"Look lady, I don't know who you think you are judging me on my family when you know nothing about them, but I think it would be in your best interests to shut up now." Alice said jabbing her in the chest as she spoke. "In fact I think it would be in your best interests to never ever say anything that in anyway relates to any of my family ever again or I may be forced to rip your head of and then smear your brains all over your corpse before dancing around it in the lingerie that I just tried on." At this point Lauren had backed into a rack in Victoria Secret and with one last push from Alice fell to the floor. For some reason then Tyler seemed to have some form of nobility instilled on him at the sight of fallen Lauren and turned and pushed Alice with all his strength.

"Hey, leave her alone." Alice, in either a brilliant fake fall or geniune trip appered taken off guard and fell to the floor. Then there was a crack that seemed to resonate throughout all of America, before a resonating shriek of.

"MY NAIL!"

* * *

Somehow, somewhere Jasper's head peeked up "Alice," he thought before setting out at lightning speed towards Washington.

At the same time Edward had received Bella's frantic button pressing and was similarly heading out towards the shopping mall. They both met halfway and ran together.

* * *

Alice was fuming. Her carefully crafted false nail had broken in two.

"Do you have any idea how much these nails cost? They took 8 hours each to paint fully. It cost me $600 per nail. Does that put it into perspective for you Eric?" Eric Yorkie had made the mistake of saying it's just a nail. Alice turned towards Tyler who was cowering in fear. "I hope your intending on paying for this?"Tyler's eyes widened at the thought of paying $600 for a nail. Then Edward and Jasper burst through the door. Edward was at my side in a instant sweeping me up carefully into his arms and checking for injuries.

"What happened here?" I heard him question softly but I just nodded towards Alice who was being slowly calmed by Jasper. Edward looked over to her obviously getting the full story out of her mind. He nodded once before heading towards the group of frightened teenagers. Edward smiled warmly at them.

"Sorry about her, she's very defensive of our family. We all are. We're close and Alice has never taken well to those who insult us but no harm done. I mean she had each of the family members painted on that nail, and well you broke Jasper what do you expect? Don't worry about the nail Tyler we're not going to make you pay for it. However I think it would be best for all of you to keep a wide berth of Alice for a few weeks. Just in case. Enjoy Washington." He smiled at them all again and was began to walk towards the shop assistants.

"Hold on a minute." I could see Lauren struggling to get up from where she had gotten entangled in the display of bras. I held in a laugh at her face. "What about me? Your sister just like abused me. Aren't you even going to apologise? If she can afford $600 nails surely you can afford to offer me some compensation."

"I'm sorry but Carlisle is in charge of finances."

"So Carlisle will pay out for her manicure but isn't even willing to reimburse those who've been treated wrong?" Lauren continued, I sighed at her utter failure to know when to keep her mouth shut.

"Well Carlisle understands that Alice's nails are important to her. We'd be willing to ask him if he'd want to get some money for you but firstly we'd need to tell him why this whole situation came about. Now Carlisle is an understanding man so I'm sure he'd be able to overlook the comments you made about his family however he has to discuss all monetary issues with Esme and then Esme would be forced to find about what you said about her children and if I'm brutally honest it'd break her heart. Of course if that doesn't convince you, in our household there are no secrets so once Carlisle and Esme know it means that Rosalie and Emmett know and you can expect either of them to throw you through a wall. I mean Rosalie may not look strong but she'd give it her best shot after finding out what you said. In fact maybe, since it was actually you who has caused the most problems maybe you should be reimbursing us. Of course we'd never ask you to do that. It just seems selfish. But if you really feel you are owed something I will phone Carlisle now." Jasper's speech had officially shut up Lauren as Edward smiled proudly beside him. Alice was breathing deeply in the corner.

"Couldn't have said it better myself mate." Edward then patted him on the shoulder before leaving to pacify the shop clerks.

_An: Yeah so the latest installment of Jasper's Plot! Which I'm thinking of changing the title of but since its not really going anywhere I figure why bother. Um yeah I kinda like this but I feel that my muse ran away with me and all the characters got a wee tad OOC so sorry about that. Hopefully no-one'll be too offended and if they are I'll just put it down to poetic license. Next time of Jasper's Plot is either Lauren's or Bella's revenge or Alice's revenge. I'm not sure so I figure whatever the reviewers want so if you have a preference lemme know and I'll see what to do. If I get nothing I'll just write them all and post them all up this chapter is dedicated to me because frankly I deserve it. Woop, woop._

_If I don't post for long streches of time (which to be honest not very extra-ordinary for me but hey-ho) it's because the IB has made me committ suicide, I'll get someone to leave a note or something. Yeah so sorry about that. Mucho lovings! X_


End file.
